Friday, February 17, 2012

deep joy

It's Friday... but I still feel a heaviness. I have a lot of work and responsibilities to conquer this weekend. My sweet girl is turning 8, and I want her to feel loved, celebrated, cherished... and sometimes I feel like I might fail... to meet her expectations, to meet my own, to meet others'. Regardless, I'm so in love with this process of life. No matter how much I feel like I have to do, no matter how tired I am, no matter the weariness I can feel in my bones at times, I feel deep, deep joy to be here. I pray for, and beg for, this intensity for some of my friends. So many. So so many are suffering right now. I can't do anything beyond waking up each day, smiling at strangers, holding a door open for an old lady, being the best person I can possibly be, even of that means hard work, to help my friends. But I think trying to be light and hope is about all we can do, sometimes. Just being. One of my dear friends, who I don't see often anymore (since moving), shared that she's dealing with crippling depression. I want to fix that for her- I want to replace it with something, anything else. I keep praying and coming back to this sense of deep joy. I wish for her to have deep joy, regardless of whatever is swirling around in her life. Even in the mundane... work, kids, traffic... can we override our neurotransmitters, open our eyes wider, and let the blue sky heal us? I don't know. We can always hope.

Another friend of mine was in a dark place last year- in a time of waiting. She shared this song and it resonated with me... it is really beautiful... it isn't an answer... it's still a question. But I sense that deep joy in the music, somewhere. I wish that for you this weekend... enjoy!

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