Thursday, September 20, 2012


This is the month I've always wanted to SPEED through. It always messes with me... always. I have a lot to enjoy, like my mom's birthday and my son's birthday... but, I'm always a little down regardless of the joyful events. I've heard others say that September is a bad month for people with depression. I'm not suffering from depression/anxiety currently- I certainly have, in the past, but a good combination of exercise/running (a lot) and sleep (not a lot, but at least enough) over the past 5 years have really kept it all in check for me.

Still, September is a weird time for me. Summer is over, the light begins to change, and we're all starting back into our routines (school, extracurriculars, work). In NC, it's still HOT. I think that's part of my problem. I so hate the heat. I really want it to be over, and it rarely breaks. Fall doesn't really arrive here until mid October, and I LONG for fall. I pray for cooler weather, less humidity, colorful leaves. September stands in the way of my fall arriving, and so I get cranky.

Also, it's a hard time for my son. I can tell every year. The worst trauma of his little life happened in September of his infancy. We weren't able to bring him home until the following Spring. But I can always tell that his spirit is more fearful, more fragile, and he physically wants to be much closer to me at all times. He needs to feel secure. So we do a lot of snuggling and I carry around my BIG 5 year old, whenever he wants me to. Because it's going to take many, MANY seasons of "do-overs" to ease the damage that was done to him. Over and over, I will show him that he is safe. That he is mine. That he belongs. That I will never, ever, abandon him.

Sigh. Come on September. It's time for you to hurry along.
This is the "anthem" that runs through my head as I plug through these long days...

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