Saturday, April 20, 2013

what to say?

The last week has been personally hard and globally harrowing. It may sound trite, but I've been really sick on and off for the last four months, and I'm about to lose my mind dealing with it. I've kept everything going here- kids happy, fed, house sorta clean, classes attended, projects done, etc, etc, but in the background this illness of mine ebbs and flows. Some days I feel great, others I can't breath and deal with pain and fever and fatigue. Bloodwork fine, fourth round of antibiotics on board, and wishing I was on an episode of "House" so that they could find the infection site, zero in on what is making me sick, and neutralize it.

That leads me to what I haven't been able to do as much as I like: Run. Remember last year when I ran my first race, a half-marathon? And how I came to love running so much? It's hard when I feel so weak that running is placed on the back-burner- and turns into something my body simply cannot tolerate as I rest and get well. Unfortunately the not-running affects a lot. I'm already feeling yucky, and then not-running leads me to feeling depressed, which creates this cycle of blah.

So now you know that I've been sitting on my ass, feeling sorry for myself, waiting for meds to work, not running, AND: watching runners and their families and friends get attacked at the most beloved race in the world. Close to where many of my family members live, and exactly where several friends were running on Monday. Perfect emotional storm.

The reactions are many, but I think it's safe to say that most of us, especially runners, are 100% completely shocked and terrified by what just transpired. At the same time, it's just one more example of darkness to add to the pile of darkness that we continually fold up and put in our pockets, carrying around our collection, wondering when it will stop growing.

I was so relieved to find out that everyone I personally know up in Boston was safe and okay, although emotionally shaken up. But as the reports came in of the carnage and the three dead, and now a young officer dead, it was hard to find any relief at all. Oh the suffering!

And the kids responsible. Yes, kids. Their brains hijacked by evil. Its source? doesn't matter. The talk of this religion or that ethnicity... doesn't matter. Two humans made the choice to hurt and maim and kill a group of other humans. It happens rarely on US soil compared to, say, Syria. Have you seen the picture of a group of Syrians sending condolences to the people of Boston, and letting them know that they truly understand, because it happens to them Every. Single. Day? The point is, it shouldn't happen. It sucks. It's pointless. It shouldn't happen in Boston, and it shouldn't happen in Syria.

Evil is evil no matter how it's dressed. My kids and I were talking, once again, about how we do not have the ability to stop it, but we do have the ability to control how we react to it and how we act on a daily basis. All we can do is claim goodness and grace and be light every day to every person we encounter for as long as we live. We can all take part it fighting the shadow.

Watching the crowds in Boston last night as they cheered for the cops and firefighters was evidence enough that we're in this for the long-haul. Humanity will not surrender to evil and, by the grace of God, will never have to- we will always have a way to fight the shadow.

Today I think I've turned a corner- I'm incredibly thankful for those in Boston who did everything they could to help- what heros! And I'm thankful for this latest round of medicine that will hopefully restore my health.

Holding up a candle for all the lives lost this week- in Boston, in Texas, in China, after so many tragic events. Keep looking for the helpers. Thank you, helpers.


  1. I didn't know you were so sick! I'm so sorry, and hope you start feeling better soon. You are kind of a superhuman and I don't know how you accomplish all the things you do.

    It was awesome to see the crowds cheering. But I am disheartened at all the trash being talked about Muslims, as if their entire religion was responsible for the bombings, rather than two sick individuals. :(

    1. exactly. it was "two sick individuals." how would i, as a christian, like to be characterized by the westboro "church" people? well... duh. i wouldn't. we can't reduce it to that... evil is evil.

      and yes. i've been sick. blar. hoping it all goes away soon. love you guys! xoxo