Tuesday, September 27, 2011

booooooring

it's true.
I've turned into the world's most boring blogger.
I'm doing nothing extraordinary. Weird feeling, let me tell you. Our life, ever since starting the adoption process for Sammy, has been one crazy thing after another. Full of waiting and anticipation and excitement and fulfillment.
Now that Zach's into school, we're just, like, living a normal life. I REALLY want to adopt another child right now. Uuuuh, not gonna happen. There's this little (big) requirement called "income" that you need. Apparently we don't have that.
Also? I really want to start some kind of non-profit right now (lots and lots of people in need out there! i want to be useful!!!)
HAHAHA I know.  I have three kids and two part-time jobs (did I tell you I'm working 15 hours a month for the Board of Directors of my kids' school? I am. Great little gig). And a home to keep happy while the dude I married studies his buttocks off. Sigh. I know I can continue to promote my friends' non-profits and projects via social media, etc, but still. I wish I could do more right now, and the reality is that I physically and financially cannot. This kills my soul a little.

Okay, so the conclusion is that I'll be doing this "normal stay-at-home while also working mom / housewife" thing for four. straight. years.

So. Again. Trying to live in the moment here. Trying realllllllly hard. I'm not so good at that. Actually I give myself an F. Maybe a D- if I'm being nice to myself.

With nothing crazy going on in my life, I have no blog material. Okay, maybe I have a little. But you all are going to get crazy bored with just the normal life stuff, right?

I need to be thankful for Boring. Boring is good. Boring is happy. Lots of people are wishing for Boring. So I'll keep doing the Boring stuff here. Keep it real. Because this is my reality.

Boring is neighbors who live far away through the woods bringing you "welcome" brownies :) Boring is good :).
sweet neighbors with three kids live over the river and through the woods... 

their 11-yr-old made us these last week. Adorable. 


Moving along to a life update:
*niece #2, baby Caroline, is being born right this second in Alaska. squeeeeee! So sad I'm so far away!!! Can't wait to snuggle my newest little angel.
*Pete is doing better with his school phobia (did I tell you about that? we're dealing with some pretty hard anxiety, but he's doing better. phew.).
*Our soccer team has won every game, by a LOT. Amazingly talented little guys. Pete scored tonight. Coaching is fuuuun!!!
*the heat has returned a bit here. I hate heat. Want to move to Colorado. Want whole extended family to move there too. They haven't agreed. Maybe in four years...
*I'm missing a lot of my friends back in our old town. Hi friends! miss you! love you!
*I hate cooking. Love baking, hate cooking.
*cleaning isn't much better.
*I got a Congressional Award. Like a big award from the United States Congress. I'll be receiving it next week. More on that later. I guess that's not so boring ;-).

tata for now!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

thursday pattern...

Whelp, I seem to be following my "I can't get anything done until Thursday" pattern, at least concerning this little blog. This thing on? Anyone out there?

This week was spent juggling three kids in different emotional places, per usual. It's not surprising that little hiccups happen, it's just that, as any parent out there can relate, you never know exactly when the anxiety or fear will surface. It seems that Pete has had a little delayed reaction to the realities of Kindergarten. And it is hard, you know? The length of the day, the rules, the amount they're expected to learn... it's a lot. But he'll do fine. Just a little time and a lot of mama love.

The kids are having a blast in dance and soccer. The rest of our time is spent on homework, baking pumpkin bread, and hanging out (lots of playing with trains going on too). Here are some images I caught of the kids having snack the other day...




Hope you've had a great week!!! xoxo.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

lazy rainy day

Daddy is studying today. We're snuggled up in our cozy home, taking advantage of the rain, the canceled soccer practice, a day when we can draw, write letters, and bake (bread, yellow cake with white frosting, vegetarian chili, maybe cornbread too?). Sammy reentered his comfy bed, and I enjoyed my coffee. 







Have a blessed day, wherever you are.

Friday, September 16, 2011

friday.

It's a lovely, chilly Friday here. I'm so thankful for this week, and thankful for the cool air. I love it.

My friend Martha shared this song on her blog today. I love this group. I love this song. It captures how I feel about all my loved ones, especially my children. Oh how I want them to live forever, to experience the beautiful mysteries of life, to deeply revel in reality. To feel alive, so alive. Bathed in the knowledge that I, and their daddy, and their God, love them to infinity and back.

Happy Friday friends.

(I can't get the video to upload here. Go to Martha's Blog to watch it. It's awesome!)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Uh, It's Thursday?

This has been one of those "fly by" weeks... It's Thursday already???
Here's a quick update of why this week has been crazy for us...

*I had an interview on Monday morning for a very part-time position as the secretary for the board of directors at my kids' school. It went really well, and they specifically liked that confidentiality is a huge part of my career training anyway. I won't go blab the school's secrets to other parents, students, etc, as I'll be sitting in and taking notes on every single meeting, including any disciplinary actions taken against students or teachers. I'll only work about 15 hours a month, but every little bit helps right now, and I love a new challenge! I start tonight :).

*We had our first soccer game on Tuesday! If you recall, I signed us up to coach Pete's soccer team, since no coach was to be found. We know nada about coaching soccer, but HELLO, we won 7-0. I mean, we must be naturals. Or maybe it has something to do with an incredible little boy who just immigrated from Mexico. I looked at his parents, and in my broken Spanish and their broken English, we had a "moment" admiring his freakish skill on the field, and let's remember, he's FIVE. Holy cow. His parents are hilarious and just shrugged, telling me that's ALL he does all day long- kick the soccer ball. He even completed each goal with a cartwheel and then beat his chest. He may be my new favorite person to ever exist... so awesome!!! (ps- our own kid, Pete, refused to play. whaaaaatever.)

*I'm donating my mouth to a dental student, so I had a consult on Wednesday about letting this dude put braces on my teeth. You read that right. I'm so kind and selfless that I'll be letting a stranger, with no actual dental degree (yet), practice on my teeth. Plus, I get almost free tooth straightening :). I might regret this when my mouth hurts like hell. You'll want to check back for updates on this little gig of mine... it's sure to be humorous.

*Aside from all this, I've been, you know, keeping my day job as a MOM. And lately, that job has proven a wee bit difficult as I juggle different schools, different worries, different joys, different activities, and different (but tons) of homework. I'm still feeing rather isolated here, even with a few good friends around. We're still visiting churches (and we really have felt so welcomed by each congregation, and are so enjoying getting to know the feel and atmosphere of each church. Our experiences have been very positive!). We have a few more to visit, and then I especially would love to settle down into one church and become a part of the community. But, even in feeling sort of isolated, I LOVE our home. Love love love it. So being a loner right now isn't bad at all.

Here's what we do in our down time, which is less often now that all school/work/extra curricular activities are in full swing:

Because sometimes, you just need to play :). 
Happy Thursday everyone! (oh, and yes, do you see our antenna? We don't have cable. But this antenna gets us PBS kids for free. Sometimes mama needs PBS kids.)


Friday, September 9, 2011

confessions

I have to admit, I have been in a funk for the last couple of days. I believe this is due to Zach being gone a lot this week, my "baby" turning 4 and therefore me feeling useless because I technically have no more small babies at home, this useless feeling leading me to question my role in the world, and anxiety involving one of my closest friends who has endured years of heartbreak, and now is about to become a mama, but there are some hurdles to get through first....

Welcome to my brain! It's fun in here.

First, let's address this anxiety. I want this thing for my friend more than anything in the world at this moment. Anything. I would do anything to make it work out. This is the one thing I know a lot about: adoption. But still, I have zero control over how this will play out. I need to wait, pray, be patient. It's eating away at my soul. I'm hopeful and full of anxiety. Praying for the next few days to go well.

Second, and trust me, this confession will shine a blinding light on my selfishness, I am completely jealous of my husband right now. I'll get over it in about 2 hours, but still, when this jealousy hits, I'm a real pill. Here's the thing... we've both been working really hard towards this goal of dental school. I pushed him to go for it, to leave his job that he didn't like. I counseled him to reach for it. We worked through fears and hesitations, and I consistently pushed and coached and insisted that he go for it.  I worked a lot to pay for his pre-req classes, and took care of the kids and the house by myself so that he could kick ass in those classes. He got in to school, and now he's doing great. Sooooo, you ask, what the hell is my problem?

My problem is that, even though I have worked my ass off to get him to this point, he'll be the one with all the honor. He's the one who will get the degree. He'll be the Doctor. He'll have something to show for all this hard work- He'll be able to get a great, well-paying, hugely satisfying job after he's done with his training. He'll get the respect.

I'm in the shadows. I feel just as responsible for getting to this point as he does, but I won't have the degree to show for it. I won't get the honor or the respect. I won't be able to go get a better job. I won't be able to provide for my kids if something happens to him (I mean, I will be able to work as a social worker, but it's not like there's a lot of respect there). It's a weird feeling to have worked this hard, and to know that there's nothing official for me at the end of this long road.

I suppose it's this way for any life partner in the "support" role, not to mention the "stay at home parent" role. Roles that don't get a whole lot of respect from anyone, even though we, the supporters, are making things run behind the scenes.

I second guess myself every day. I think, "what kind of example am I setting for my kids, especially my daughter? I'm "just" as stay at home mom. I'm not a doctor or lawyer. I'm nothing. I'll continue to be nothing. And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want anyone else raising my kids. That was my choice. I am intelligent and capable of much. But I've chosen this support role. Do I regret it? Sometimes, yes. I feel that I've wasted my education, let my parents down, let myself down, and embarrassed my teachers and my in-laws who thought I was capable of going much further with my life and my career.

Yes, let's remember, this is a confession. I'm NOT happy or proud of myself for having these thoughts. The support role in life IS important. My kids? Their lives are more important to me than any higher degree or prestigious job- I know this. Sometimes, though, I feel like I've failed.

What's the point of all this? I have no idea. Maybe I will go back to school too, once my kids are a bit older. Maybe society will shift a little and note that people in support roles are important, somehow. Maybe the dental school will add my name to the degree as "life coach" (ha!). What to do in the meantime?

Enjoy life. That's what I need to focus on. Why oh why am I always looking so far ahead? How is my selfishness and whoa-is-me attitude helping me or my family? It's not. I will not get these years back, so I shouldn't wish them away. I don't want to miss my kids' little life moments. I don't want to miss being the one to snuggle with them when they're sick and need to stay home from school. I don't want to miss sneaking up on moments like this:
Leah teaching Pete some of the piano that she's been learning

i don't want to waste the years when their feet don't touch the ground yet...
I don't want to miss these frozen yogurt smiles!

If you've read this far, I apologize for all the crazy rambling. But, I needed to give myself a pep talk, and remember that my role in life may not be glamorous or prestigious, and I may not be the one getting a fancy degree. However, I have so much to be thankful for, and so much appreciate right now. My selfishness needs to go away, and I need to refocus on what's important to me. I made these choices for my life, and I need to be proud of my choices. 

Okay, I think I'm done :). I hope this has helped someone out there today... I think a lot of us struggle this way, no? Happy Friday everyone! I'll be practicing soccer and breaking up sibling fights. Peace! 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

all about sam...

This is a big week for my "baby"! He's growing up, and I'm having a hard time accepting that he's turning FOUR! Yes, my baby is 4 today. Having no kids under the age of four is the weirdest feeling ever. For so long, they were ALL UNDER the age of four. I mean, they might as well just go to college now. GEEZ!

The beginning of September is a big time for birthdays in our family- My mother-in-law and sister-in-law also have birthdays this week! So we had them for a visit this past weekend, and had a fun celebration. Sammy requested "strawberry cake," so I made an incredible (especially for my first try) pound cake and topped it with strawberries and ice cream. I need to avoid baking this cake in the future, because I believe I ate half of it. Oops. 



MarMar, Aunt Hannah, Sam, and most importantly, a new thomas train...
Then it was time for the big birthday morning... ready to celebrate.... sort of...
Check out their sleepy "adjusting to the light" faces before opening Sam's present... hilarious :)

Spencer the train! Victory!

happy boy on his birthday! 

Not only is Sam now FOUR, he also started school today! He was so confident and strutted right in. I was feeling so sad to not have him with me for a few hours each week, but he is so, so ready. It's finally "his turn" to go to preschool, something he's been looking forward to for so long! Doesn't he look so grown up??? I'm in shock...

Well, there seems to be nothing I can do to keep my kids from growing up :). But I enjoy watching them develop into their unique little selves... there's nothing like it! I'm so proud of my kids... and we're having fun celebrating our sweet Sam this week. Hope you all had a great holiday weekend! Today (after celebrating Sam some more) Zach and I will have our first soccer practice. I'm glad Pete has more confidence in us than we do :). I'll keep you posted on how that goes... should be hilarious :). Happy Tuesday!