Raw

I find myself not wanting to engage with anyone over the recent killings of Black people in our country. I want to stand in solidarity with my grieving Black friends and Black family members.  But I do not want to have to "prove" to White people that this shouldn't happen. I don't want to engage in a debate with any of my White family or friends who might want to tell me that Black people are reacting the "wrong way." I can't listen to one more white person say "but this person said... or that leader said..." to justify a killing or to say that the riots shouldn't happen. No. We (white people) don't get to do that. I'm getting a small taste of what Black people have to deal with daily. Not wanting to debate, engage, and prove that their reality is, in fact, real. 

I am raising a Black son, and I have learned. Oh have I learned, all in thanks to Black people who have freely given of their emotional labor to teach me. I do everything in my power to learn from my Black friends how to raise this spectacular human being. I want him to be prepared for all that he faces and will face. Most of all I want him to feel his worth. That no matter what racism and racist structures say he is, he will know the opposite- that he is intelligent and strong, that his skin and his hair are beautiful, and that he was made to do great things. I want him to BELIEVE that nothing can stop him. I want him to take on the world despite how some want to keep him down. 

A couple of years ago I was part of an experience that changed me forever. I placed my white body between the police and my Black neighbor. Someone called the cops on this person after they (and I) begged them not to. I tell you this not to raise myself up but to inform you that the fear in that person's eyes when the police came (for a non-violent, non-issue where there was literally no danger to anyone) was haunting. Someone had called the police on a Black person and that Black person was them. What the White person later claimed to not understand is that this action can and does kill Black people in our country. The terror that happened during and after than incident will never leave me. The trauma was real. And yet I was gaslighted by the caller and their friends.  I was left to explain to numerous white people WHY this was so dangerous and that it was, in fact, racist. I was left to bear that burden to teach other white people.  ALL BLACK PEOPLE have to deal with this constantly.  Having to prove that that they are good and that they belong and that they are people and deserve respect. I had to witness lies and the re-writing of what happened and it was hideous and all too common. Somehow the victim was blamed and I was blamed. Many people stood up for the truth but many did not. Many refused to seek the truth and still refuse to see that the correct version of the story is the victim's version. Period. 

There is a very, very good chance that someday my son will have the police called on him, because of his Blackness. He will be targeted while driving, walking, going to work, being in his own office, going on a jog, and the list goes on. The fear in my heart when I think about the possibility of police brutality or white racist acts against my son, both of which could leave him dead, is crippling. I need my friends and family to see that and believe that. 

If you are white, would you be willing to use your body and your actions as a shield? Would you be willing to protect my son? Would you be willing to change the way you have been taught, and unlearn the wrong history that has been pumped into us, to protect Black people? Would you be willing to enter into conflict to help someone you love, or even a perfect stranger? Would you be willing to recognize your own racism, start to dismantle it, and also help other White people start to recognize and dismantle theirs? Would you be willing to repent of your racism and our collective racism on a daily basis? Would you be willing to teach your children to NOT be silent and to stand up, literally, for others? That's what it takes for change. 

I am raw. LISTEN to Black people when they tell you about their lived experience, and BELIEVE them. That's where you start, white reader. That's where you start.